Confessions of a first time Doula -written June 2016

I imagine that as I await my first labor as a doula, that it feels much like a first time mother waiting for their baby to be born. There are feelings of anxiousness, fatigue, hope, and love. And questions. Tons of questions! Am I equipped for this job? Will I be good enough? Will I be able to comfort properly? Will everything go okay? Can I provide the space that was asked of me? So many of these questions enter out minds as we get ready to explore the world of the unknown. We always fill our our minds up with questions that we will have no answers to until we are actually living in that moment. Even some that will remain unanswered until a later point in our lives. 

A revelation was recently brought to light to me during a yoga study. More often than not we allow our heads to lead us over our hearts. Physically, most of us stand on two feet and it's rare that our hearts are below our heads. Emotionally this rings true also. We hear and read all of this talk about "Let your heart decide", and 'Look deep within your heart, it will guide you', but really? How often do you take that advice? Our brains and ego instantly take over and start telling us things that contraindicate our hearts. This all stems from an overpowering emotion that we all possess- FEAR. Now don't get me wrong, I do believe fear has some benefits. In fact, I believe that fear and questioning is an essential part of learning a new lesson. If we weren't passionate about something, we wouldn't question it. We wouldn't be afraid. So caring deeply about a subject, a career, a new journey will tend to work alongside fear. But take time to consider this quote from Marianne Williamson, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

The beauty that slowly unravels behind all of this, is the fact that most of the time after learning the lesson, we understand and recognize that we are equipped and have every single tool we need to succeed. And we grow. And we begin to tear down the fearful questions more and adapt to exactly what is. We stop the worrying about if we will be good enough and start to adapt to the thought that we are doing our best. We remind ourselves to be compassionate not only to others but especially and most importantly to ourselves. And we begin to listen to our hearts, we start to allow them to take the lead. And we start to hear with our hearts what each situation or moment calls for. And then finally, we start to act from our heart, performing intuitive healing and nurturing. 

F. ace

E. verything

A. nd

R. ise

With an open and less fearful heart,

Erin